29 Weeks

I stumbled across this draft today. Obviously, I wrote it a while back (April 1, 2016, to be exact), but it seemed worth sharing.

Today marks 29 weeks in what is very likely my last pregnancy. I'm getting a little tired, a little uncomfortable, and a lot anxious for this sweet boy to get here. Sleep (and rest in general) is getting harder to come by, but all-in-all, I'm still feeling pretty good. A close friend recently had her little girl, and I'm insanely jealous that she is home snuggling her brand new baby while I'm still at work carrying an extra 25+ pounds around with me all day. I'm certain the next 10ish weeks will fly by, but some days seem to drag on much longer than their allotted 24 hours. There is always work to be done, laundry to wash and fold, and dishes to put away. There are games to be played, toy cars to drive, and baseballs to throw. Most importantly, there are two boys to rock and snuggle and treasure every little bit of time we have left while they are the only little ones in the house.
All of our lives are about to change, and while it is a wonderful and exciting change that we are all looking forward to it, it will, nonetheless, forever alter our lives. Very soon there will be another tiny human in our home that will require a lot of attention and won't have any regard for the plans, needs, or wants of his housemates. I don't have unrealistic expectations of a reality that resembles a Pamper's or Johnson & Johnson's commercial. I know infants are selfish and demanding. As I recall, aside from the sweet baby snuggles, infants have very few pleasant qualities. It is mostly eating, pooping, peeing, and crying between two hour stretches of rest (if we're lucky enough to get two hour stretches) yet we will somehow still be very much in love with this tiny stranger. And I also remember that the "trenches" stage is relatively short lived. Soon enough, the tiny stranger we bring home from the hospital will begin to show his personality. We will get to know him and he us, and we will all be smitten. I remember the elation I felt at those first smiles and giggles, and I'm so very excited that we are getting the opportunity to live those moments again with another baby. I remember the pride mixed with sadness when the boys learned to roll over, sit up, and eventually walk. I remember the bittersweet feeling we had at the time because we weren't sure if we would ever experience these precious "firsts" again. I am so looking forward to all of those moments just one more time, and I'm grateful to have the perspective of a parent so I can truly appreciate and respect how quickly the time flies by.

With newborn twins, there was essentially no free time in our day to just enjoy the newborn and infant stages. It was baby business. By the time we finished feeding, changing, and swaddling each boy back to sleep, there was just enough time left to pump, get bottles ready for the next feeding, and sleep for 15-30 minutes before we started the cycle over again. I hope to be able to slow down a little more this time around and spend more time snuggling and really soaking in everything we can.

I feel much more prepared for this baby than we were for the twins. I'm not certain if it's because we have first hand experience to relate to this time, because it's only one baby, because we're not in the middle of moving to a different town and changing jobs, or a combination of it all, but I'm so thankful for the feeling of peace I have now compared to how I felt in 2011. And I would be lying if I didn't say that I absolutely KNOW that a huge part of the peace I have now comes from God. My spiritual relationship with him has grown by leaps and bounds since the boys were born, and the difference in my state of mind is incredible.

I'm still pretty comfortable and am trying to enjoy as much of this pregnancy as I can. I know it will be over all-too-soon, and the discomfort and fatigue will be a distant memory. Unfortunately, that means that while the way he tumbles and kicks (sometimes violently) is such a vivid part of my daily life now, it too will fade into the back of my mind. I don't expect to ever forget the feeling altogether, but I know that it will never be the same. For this very short time, I'm the only person on the planet that can provide his basic needs. I'm the only one who knows each time he stretches and rolls to get comfortable. My voice is the only one he hears throughout every day. This time is precious beyond words, and I'm forever grateful that I get the opportunity to carry him until he's ready to be born.

I'm so ready to meet you, tiny boy, but I can be patient. In the meantime, I will soak up the simplicity remaining while we only have two children at home. I'll appreciate the beauty of being pregnant and keeping you safe until you can survive in the outside world. I'll do my best to absorb and appreciate the wonderful, exhausting, and challenging times until you're ready to meet us.