ONE

It's official. They're one year old. WOW. Let me just say - it's been the most challenging, rewarding year of my life so far (and that includes the year I moved, got engaged, graduated college, started a new job, moved again, and got married). I'm going to do a little different post this time around, because well, today is really all about them. 

L & Little C,

I can't believe you're already one year old. It's incredible to think that this time last year we met you for the first time after what felt like a lifetime of waiting to see your beautiful face. You tried to make your grand entrance more than once before the big day finally arrived, and I'm just grateful that you waited as long as you did. I can't imagine how different the last year would've been if you had been born at 27 weeks instead of 35. 

Little C - Even after stalling delivery for 8 weeks after contractions started, you were still born with trouble breathing. You also had the cord wrapped around your neck, and your face and extremities were blue. They held you by my face for about 5 seconds before you were swept off to the NICU. 

6lb 4oz 17.5" 7/14/11 9:54pm 

Granted, our NICU experience was as smooth as could be expected and there are hundreds of preemie families who aren't nearly as lucky as we were. However, let's be clear - just because it wasn't as bad as it could've been doesn't change the fact that it was still far from easy. Your dad and I were worried to death because your doctors weren't sure if your dyspnea was a routine problem or if you had a serious disease. It was terrifying. I'll never forget the first time I held you in my arms. There were tubes and wires all over the place and you couldn't be out of the warmer for very long, but it was still one of the most exciting, gratifying 5 minutes of my life. You never opened your eyes, but you snuggled your head into my chest and sighed the most content sound in the world. I was smitten.

We were addicted to you immediately. 

Your dad got to hold you the next day, and it was such a feeling of complete bliss and peace to have both of our boys together again and finally be united as a family of four. We were in the hospital until Monday, July 18 and were all discharged on the same day. I was so grateful that you did well and we got to leave the hospital as a family. That was a blessing I prayed for long before you were born and have said thanks for many times since. 

 

L - You were our 5lb 8.5oz trooper. You screamed from the minute you came out and stopped only when your dad held you for the first time. 

5lb 8.5oz 17.5" 7/14/11 9:56pm

You were smaller than I'd expected, and I couldn't believe how much you looked like my dad. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to tell a difference between you and your brother, but it was all in vain. You've never resembled each other to me or your dad. I've always thought you looked just like my baby pictures and your Papa Mitch, and your brother has always looked like a tiny version of your dad. Regardless, you were both more beautiful than I ever could've imagined. You got to meet all of your grandparents a few hours after you were born, and I'm sure you can imagine how popular you were with them! 

They couldn't take their eyes off you, and in all fairness, who could blame them?

You were snuggly from the very beginning and loved to lay on my chest and sleep. We sent you to the nursery at night so we could try to rest. Sleep was difficult to come by between routine vital checks and post surgery pain/discomfort, but we thought it would be easier to rest in the hospital than once we took you home (and we were right). Your first few days were pretty uneventful, but you did lose quite a bit of weight and only weighed 4lb 7oz when we went home. You were (and still are) the smallest baby I've ever held. It felt like holding a blanket that had been wadded up because you were always swaddled tightly and were so light that it was difficult to tell that a baby was snuggled inside all that fabric!




The first 36 hours of your lives are mostly a blur for me now, and I'm grateful to have written everything down in my pregnancy/delivery journal and to have so many pictures because I wouldn't be able to recall nearly all of the details of those first few days.


I am so amazed by how much you've both grown and changed in the last year. I'm still not sure how it happened, though, because I've seen you every single day of your lives and never did I think "They look different today." I just can't believe that you grew from such tiny, helpless infants into these independent toddlers right in front of me.

From tiny, swaddled newborns...

...To opinionated, independent toddlers!

Your dad and I have been beyond blessed, and I can't believe we are the lucky two who get to be your parents. We love you so much more than any words can convey, and I now understand why my parents said I would get it when I had kids of my own. Honestly, the only way to understand the magnitude of a love like this is to experience it for yourself. It can't be explained or reasoned or understood. It must be felt first-hand before you can truly appreciate it. One day, a long, long time from now, you'll both know exactly what I mean. 

It's been so much fun to watch you reach milestone after milestone and soak up everything around you like a sponge. You're learning so much every single day, and I hope I'm teaching you well. This has been the most incredible year, and I can't wait (except that I absolutely can - please don't grow up faster than you have to!) to see how different each of you are in another 365 days.



I love you both so, so much,
Mom

Real talk.

Truth. 

I'm not usually one for politics, but this was too perfect. 

July. Holy mess.

Not sure if anyone else has noticed or not, but it's officially July. Holy mess. I'm sure this is just another month for most people, but for me, it means that it's only 12 (TWELVE!!) days until the boys' first birthday. How has this happened already?! There were so many things I wanted to get done before their first birthday... For example, I wanted to have the boys' first year photo album close to finished. (That's going to be particularly difficult considering the fact that I haven't even STARTED on them yet.) It's baffling how fast 50 weeks have gone by. I can't even explain how stunning it is. It's like I've seen a unicorn dance across a rainbow to steal a Leprechaun's pot of gold. Ridiculous, I know, but it's still happening. 


Am I going to be able to get everything together before the big 1 party? We'll see... I need to order a cake, grocery shop for party food, send invitations, and 100 other things that I've been putting off because it just makes it all too real. Unfortunately, I've learned that time blazes past whether you're ready for it to or not, and I'm trying to enjoy the present rather than be sad that so much has already passed. Although, I would kill for a little time-in-a-bottle right now so I could savor these last few days of baby-hood a little bit longer before they become toddlers. 


And of course, a picture for your viewing pleasure...

L & Little C sporting their Old Navy big-boy polos!

He's a walker!!

Ohhhh goodness. L took his first steps on April 30 when he was only 9 months old, and he's done nothing but improve on those first uncertain, wobbly efforts since then. He's all over the place now, and it's getting difficult to keep up. I think we've officially entered toddler-hood :|

The essence of Bittersweet

The word "bittersweet" was invented by a mother. She looked at her children and thought "my babies are growing up." I know this because it happened to me. L keeps taking steps, and Little C has started standing unassisted. It's incredibly sad and so exciting. I've never felt so torn about anything in my life. 

Yesterday, we were playing in the floor and my step-mom said "do you see him??" which prompted me to move so I could. Much to my dismay, I looked and saw L STANDING on the handle of our recliner. STANDING. He held the armrest for leverage and climbed up until he was standing on the handle and his shoulders were even with the armrest. I was stunned. And of course, mother-of-the-year that I am, I grabbed the camera to catch a picture before I got him down. Can't lose moments like that ;)  


On the way home from church this week, the boys were in the middle of an intense jabbering discussion peppered with high-pitched squeals. I was laughing to myself when it became almost silent in the back seat. I turned back to look, and this is what I saw:

Precious doesn't even begin to cover it. I think I actually felt my heart start melting. They rarely have "time" to be sweet and cuddly lately - there are 500 things they would rather do instead. 

When did my sweet, snuggly infants turn into too-busy-to-be-held almost-toddlers??  And why wasn't there more of a transition stage? I swear just last week they still wanted to be held and loved on, and now, it's a wrestling match just to get to kiss them on their sweet little heads. I feel like I've missed so much of their first 10 months even though I've seen them every day since they were born. Maybe I'm just sentimental today, or maybe I'm finally realizing that their first birthday is coming like a freight-train and I'm powerless to slow it down. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I miss my tiny, 5lb infants and the precious baby snuggles so much, but I wouldn't trade what we have now for anything in the world. It's so very sad to know they've already changed so much yet so exciting to watch them grow and learn. Bittersweet in the truest sense of the word. 

Ryan Gosling

Because my 24-year-old best friend just won her battle with colon cancer. She's my newest hero.

Little C is CRAWLING!!

Little C is officially a CRAWLER!! He tried for weeks and had multiple bruises and one bloody nose to show for his efforts before finally having his first taste of success.

I can't believe my house is no longer home to any immobile babies. Fairly certain they'll be picking out their first vehicles next month. I do have to say though, that as heartbreaking as it is to watch my tiny infants morphing into toddlers, it's probably the sweetest thing in the world when they crawl to me to be held. I'm so very smitten.

That's enough Father Time

Alright, Father Time. You can ease up any day now. We muddled through the difficulties of the I'm-so-tired-I-can't-remember-if-I-ate-lunch-or-not era and are into the I-never-knew-saying-"boo"-could-be-so-funny stage. Let's slow it down just a little so we've got time to enjoy this!

L smiled at me this morning, and I'm sure it took him by surprise when I pried his mouth open to prove to myself that I was seeing things and he didn't actually have two tiny teeth in his little bitty mouth. Wrong. There they were. Bright, shiny, and barely through his sweet little gums right in the front on the bottom. My baby has two teeth. How did this happen??! I wasn't sad when Little C popped his first tooth through because I still had one baby who wasn't growing up quite as fast. Now, there are no more toothless babies in my house (and might never be again, we're undecided), and this is just too sad for words. Don't get me wrong though; I am excited about those tiny little teeth! They're undoubtedly two of the cutest teeth I've ever seen, as expected.  

It's all exciting when the first one reaches milestones because I don't get caught up in the fact that this might be the last "first" we get to have. Take Lucas crawling for example: I am SO excited and proud of that sweet little baby!! And it's easy to be excited because his *older* brother is still happily rolling around my living room and showing no interest in crawling or growing up too fast and breaking his Momma's heart. Now when Little C starts crawling, after the excitement of his newest achievement calms down, I'm sure I will have to mourn the fact that my house will no longer be home to tiny infant babies but busy, busy crawlers instead.

I thought time was flying by when I was in college, but I had no idea. Time is screeching past at an appalling pace these days. I would give anything for a little time in a bottle right now. It would be so nice to go back to those first few days at home with my snuggly little boys for just a few minutes. To hold my teeny 5lb babies and let them fall asleep on my chest one more time. I guess the nostalgia makes me appreciate the moments now even more, but still. I can't believe it's been nearly seven months. Hope the second half of their first year of life goes by just a little more slowly.


P.S...

Happy Super Bowl Sunday from L & Little C!!

Face mask. 15 yard penalty. Automatic first down!!

And we're off!!

Holy crap. He's mobile.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, it is one of the cutest things ever. In addition to cute, it is also sad beyond words and terrifying. I thought it was getting difficult to keep up with two boys as is, but now I feel like life is one big game of Frogger... and we're a hop and a skip away from game over. 

It's about to get really interesting at our house. Just wait till he teaches his Little C how to do it. We're in trouble, yo. 

Big and Little C

It occurred to me, after reading a previous post, that I should probably distinguish between C the husband, and C the child. Let's be clear -- I'm not the person who lets an adult scream at her for an extended period of time (or likely any period of time). Obviously, the screaming C from the Baby Ambien post is Little C. By modifying this moniker, C the husband naturally becomes "Big C." 

This is only a default reference to his size since he is obviously bigger than a 14lb infant - Big C is not a large man. Just wanted to get everyone on the same page.

Now... last night was quite the comedy of events. I don't know how many of you have (or have had) babies, but I once read that putting a baby down for bed is a lot less like the Pampers commercials and a lot more like wrestling a 20lb bag of snakes. I'd have to agree. The boys are big enough now that they are much too busy to be bothered with cleaning/changing of any sort. If we only knew how many things they needed to do, surely we would understand their plight. 

To complicate matters, our boys have recently learned that their head is a powerful tool when they want to move. L can turn his head and somehow harness the momentum and flip his entire body in roughly two seconds. He employed this technique repeatedly while Big C was getting him ready for bed. Now, the video is only a few seconds long, but don't be fooled. This battle royale commenced for about 10 minutes. 

Pretty sure they were both sweating by the time L actually had a dry diaper, clean pajamas, full belly, and was laid down for the night. I know I was, but it was probably from laughing till I couldn't breathe. 

The things you'll see

If you're searching for the Mother of the Year trophy, look no further. It's proudly displayed above my television for all the world to see. What have I done to deserve this prestigious award? Well, I'll tell you. 


Those of you with small children may be familiar with a fairly new product called a "Bumbo." It is essentially a little seat that is used to support and help babies sit up until they are strong enough to sit up on their own. We use the Bumbos for a lot of things - eating vegetables, playing with toys, watching me fix dinner, etc. The boys really do like the perspective that comes from looking at the world head on rather than looking up at it from their back. Because they enjoy the seats so much, I often let them continue to sit and play with one another while I wash dishes or clean the living room. 


Earlier this week, like many mornings before, I was feeding the boys some breakfast in the Bumbos, and they had quickly dismissed me and began talking and playing with each other. (You see, I am the only thing that matters when they need something, but if anything more interesting comes along, i.e. something shiny, I no longer exist to them.) I've been trying for weeks to get a video of them chatting, so instead of going to clean and put our breakfast supplies away, I grabbed my trusty iPhone and recorded away. These tiny baby geniuses can always tell when I'm trying to catch them doing something - a skill that will serve them well in years to come, I'm sure - so of course they immediately stopped the incessant babbling. I decided to continue recording in hopes of catching them talking again once they got distracted and forgot about the camera pointing at them. 


In my defense, and those of you with iPhones can vouch for me, when using the video feature of this handy device, it automatically zooms in a little. Now, typically "a little" isn't enough to make a difference one way or the other, but when you're sitting less than 18" from your subject, "a little" zoom is enough to miss everything you're trying to record. Because of the zoom factor, I had to lean back (can't get up, remember, trying to be inconspicuous here) to make sure both boys were in the frame. This put me in a rather awkward position, so instead of actually watching the video or the boys, I was trying not to fall and thus ruin the moment. Guess I should've written a memo to L... "Don't ruin it. I'm trying to show people how cute you are. Love, Mom"


You can watch the video for yourself and see how this story plays out. 

He is fine, by the way, and thanks for asking. And yes, I felt awful; however, my guilt probably stems from the fact that I found humor in the situation, but come on now, let's be honest. You laughed too. 

Baby Ambien

Why is the donut box always so hard to close? Regardless of how careful I am, the cardboard always gets caught on the edge and results in 2-3 attempts before it actually closes correctly. What gives? I mean, seriously, come on. I'm already ashamed; can't we just make this quick and dirty? Do you really have to drag it out and further amplify my guilt for caving to the sweet, sweet temptress that is this delicious pastry? I blame the boys for this. I never had donut-box-lid issues before them. I never even like donuts before the belly critters made me a slave to their every craving. Now I'm hooked. Thanks kids.

On to more important things... C screamed at me for over an hour yesterday. Why you may ask; I still don't know. I finally gave up and we got in the car and went to town (because that's what you do when you've exhausted every plausible option that won't result in a visit from DCFS - go to a public place so strangers can judge you for the fact that you can't calm your own child). We'd been in the car for 1.5 seconds when the screaming stopped. Thank you sweet Lord. Why didn't I do this an hour ago? Sometimes in the blur of the moment, I forget that the carseats are like little baby Ambien. I'm not sure why I EVER forget this. It's one of the most important lessons I've learned so far.

Notice to all expectant parents: Carseats rock. Inconsolable baby? Strap it in and pick the seat up. Most of the time you don't even have to go anywhere. Just trick the screaming banshee into thinking that you're going somewhere, and suddenly they are on their best behavior. Kids learn early on to make their parents look like liars at every given opportunity.

Parent: "I hope he wasn't too bad for you. He cried all morning long at home!"
Babysitter: "Really? He's been wonderful since you dropped him off."

Little assholes. I swear they thrive on a chance to make me sound like I'm just a big whiner. I'm not kidding here folks. You'll learn. And for those of you who already have kids, well, you already get it and didn't think I was joking to begin with.

                                                     I told you. Baby Ambien.

Bloginity Lost

I knew you were all dying to learn exactly how we manage to make it from sun-up to sun-down - most days even include a shower - while defending ourselves against the relentless demands of our two tiny children,and thus the Blog was born. Calm down, calm down. While I will be revealing some trade secrets, I can't tell you everything or you would cease to be so impressed by the fact that most days I don't look like I've fallen off the too-exhausted-to-speak wagon *insert sarcasm here*.

Most of you know me or know someone who knows me, but let's assume for a second that you don't; for starters, why are you here and how did you find this blog? Are you creepy, stalker types? Or are you bored and innocently stumbled over it? Regardless, glad to have you :) Little background for ya... My husband and I have been married for a little over two years. We met in high school and dated for five years before we got married. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in May 2009 and tied the proverbial knot in August the same year. C really is my best friend in the world and I count myself unbelievably lucky and blessed to be his wife. He is much nicer and more patient and understanding than I am, and unfortunately, that makes me the undesirable in the relationship. So here we are...

Wonderful & Undesirable

                                                 

We'd been submerged in happily-married-bliss for a little over a year and had just decided to wait another year or so to procreate when we found out we were going to have a baby *insert stunned faces here*. Fast forward three weeks to the day we found out two little belly critters were on the way instead of just one *insert permanently stunned faces here*. L&C made their grand entrance on Thursday July 14, 2011, and well, cliche or not, life hasn't been the same since!

There really are two of them. Look out world. 

                               
It's quite the roller coaster, and they're already plotting against us (I can see it in their eyes - trust me). I'm sure this journey is only going to get more interesting and entertaining, so stay tuned ;)


You don't even have to say it. I already know. And you're welcome.