What It's REALLY Like To Have Twins

Let me tell you what my life with twins was really like. 3-4 months in, we finally had a pretty solid routine. My husband was temporarily out of town for work, and I was already back to working 40 hours a week. For me, it was one of the hardest times of their infancy, but we made it.

6:00a - Alarm goes off, and I've got time to pump, pee and maybe brush my teeth before the first baby is waking up to be fed. Alarms are kind of pointless anyway. I've already been up a few times since I went to bed last night, but this way I have time to pump before my day really starts.

6:05a - Get started pumping, and as much as I hate this breast pump, I am so much more comfortable now than I was 5 minutes ago. My boobs were HUGE. In 20 minutes, I'll feel back to normal.

6:16a - The first audible complaints from the nursery are heard. It's Cameron. Baby A almost always wakes up first. He's cutting my pumping time short, but I'll have to take what I can get. Start disconnecting everything.

6:20a - Pump parts are rinsed and milk is in the fridge. I can't use this milk to feed them right now because we have milk from yesterday that needs to be used today. I have to use it first so that nothing goes to waste. Lucky for me, Cam's not crying yet, so I risk it and hurry to throw on some clothes.

6:21a - Jeans are rubbing my C-section scar today. Uncomfortable. Take them back off and search for my favorite stretchy jeans.

6:22a - We're 7 minutes into the day, and I've already made my first mistake. Minor complaints have escalated to howler monkey level babble. He's not angry, but he's LOUD. Damnit. Trash jeans idea. Switch search to favorite stretchy pants.

6:23a - ANY STRETCHY PANTS!! HE'S ABOUT TO WAKE THE OTHER BABY!!

6:23:30a - Go get screaming banshee before he wakes his brother. He is SO excited to see me, and that grin melts me. I don't even care that it's 6 something in the morning. This boy loves mornings, and I love him. Retreat to my closet to find actual clothes because we have to go grocery shopping today. I would rather starve than go, but my husband will probably want to keep living, so I'll suck it up. First victory of the day - Baby A is content being held and seems to have temporarily forgotten that he is hungry. I may have time to get dressed after all.

6:25a - Stretchy pants have been located, and THEY ARE NOT EVEN DIRTY! High five, mama.. this is awesome!

6:30a - I put on a dirty shirt and throw my hair into a ponytail. I wish I could say it was a cute messy bun, but that takes more time and effort than I have to give, so slummy pony it is. Head to kitchen to warm a couple bottles.

Pause. Let me explain why my babes got bottles. We all know "breast is best," and while I agree to an extent, I will say that I subscribe more to the school of "fed is best." I don't care if your baby gets breastmilk, formula, or a combination. It's really none of my business. I just want all babies to be fed and healthy. 

When our babies were born, Cameron (Baby A) had respiratory distress and landed himself in the NICU. It was a short, uneventful stay that ended well, but while he was there, he got a bottle. He's a quick learner, and it only took one time for him to realize that it was easier to drink from a bottle than a breast.

I tried everything under the sun to get him to nurse, but he was NOT having it. Lucas (Baby B) was a total champ, but psychologically I couldn't stand the idea of breastfeeding (and therefore, bonding) with one baby but not the other. Ultimately, them having the benefit of breastmilk was more important to me than the experience of breastfeeding, so I committed to pumping for them instead. This meant that I would have to pump in addition to feeding both babies each feeding, but it was worth the sacrifice to give them whatever antibodies and nutrients I could that wouldn't have been possible with formula. Now, back to my day...

6:35a - Bottle is warm, and Cam is thrilled because he's pretty sure he is about to starve to death. Let's eat.

6:48a - Hear Lucas making sweet baby noises in his crib. Right on schedule!

6:50a - Cam polishes off his bottle, and now we burp. And by burp, I mean release a small amount of air along with a significant amount of milk that he just ingested. Don't worry - I knew this was coming. I never put on a clean shirt until I'm ready to leave. This refluxy boy makes sure there is never a shortage of laundry at our house.

6:55a - Change Cam's diaper and puke covered pjs. Get him settled on the play mat while I go get Lucas. He has escalated to loud chatter but is still so pleasant!  

7:05a - Lucas eats faster than Cameron does, and he doesn't have reflux, so his feedings are almost always faster and less eventful.

7:10a - Lucas now has a clean, dry diaper and clothes and is ready to head to town. Cameron needs a new shirt because he spit up on himself. Again.

7:12a - Cam has a new shirt. And new pants because he had a nice little blow out diaper while Lucas was eating. I'll wash that playmat when we get home. Now that both babies have eaten, we're on a clock. 2 hours before we're supposed to do it again. Tick, tock.

7:21a - Both boys are buckled snuggly into their car seats, and we're ready to go! I make sure a diaper bag is always packed and ready in the car, so that saves me a lot of time. Scoop up both car seats with my left arm because I still have to close and lock the house and open the car door with my other hand. 

7:24a - Successfully got both seats into the car with no more spit-up incidents. Jump in the front seat and realize I forgot to change my shirt. Run back inside. 

7:26a - Change shirt and pee before going back to the car. I don't really need to pee now, but taking twin infants into a public restroom so I can pee is a total nightmare and grosses me out to no end. Always go before you leave home. Always. Also, grab a banana on the way out because that's probably going to wind up being breakfast and lunch for you, mama.

7:40a - Arrive at Walmart. Finding a desirable parking spot is different now. I no longer care about proximity to the door. Which spot is closest to a cart corral? That's what we're in the market for now.

7:45a - Get a great spot (only one away from the cart corral!). Grab a cart from said corral and return to the car. Load both seats into the shopping cart. One on top, one cross-way over the lower basket. Don't preach at me about how car seats go into a shopping cart. I know what the original design is, but at a rural grocery store with no double cart options, you do what you have to do. If you come up with a better way for a mother shopping solo with twinfants to get groceries, that's awesome. I did the best I could.

7:47a - Finally make it inside only to realize that I forgot my grocery list at home. Sonofabitch. I think I can remember what we need.. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I can't even remember to change my spit-up shirt before I leave the house.. I most certainly cannot remember what was on that grocery list! Decide to wing it.

7:52a - I made it all the way inside and to the fruit before someone stopped me. This may be a record! I've usually already answered a handful of questions before we even get inside. When I'm in public with my kids, there is a relatively standard set of questions that follow:
 

OMG!! Are they twins? SUSAN! (or any other name) Come look!!

Are they identical? (hand reaching toward one or both of their faces) I politely say "Please don't touch them. It's flu season."

How do you tell them apart?!

Which one is older? How much??

Are they very different?

Did you have a C-section?

Are they natural?


Oooook, let me just stop you right there. Yes. No. I just look at them. Cameron. 2 minutes. YES. Yes, but if I'd said no, now we're just talking about my vagina in the middle of the produce section. All children are "natural," and I think you meant to say "spontaneous" as in "are they spontaneous or did you do fertility treatments?" And regardless of what the answer to that last question is, it's really none of your business, Stranger. How were your children conceived?? Whether it's in a petri dish or in the backseat of a car, it's none of my business. Grant me the same privacy. 

I'm more than happy to discuss a lot of personal details of my life (obviously), but when I'm picking grapes or trying to get in and out of any public place is not the time. You went straight to third date conversation material, and I don't even know your name. Maybe ask what I do for a living or buy me a drink before you go asking about my sex life. If I volunteer information, that's one thing, but the barrage of questions from strangers every time we leave the house gets old. Fast. And we'll get stopped at least 4 more times before we get out of here.


8:02a - I escaped the very friendly strangers, and I'm certain I got several things that were on the list. Bananas, milk, cheese, bread, pickles, laundry detergent, hamburger meat. I'm also certain I got things that were not on the list. Doritos, oreos, cream puffs. Whatever. Realize what time it is. Cameron will be hungry again in less than 30 minutes. List or no list, we've got to get out of here.

8:20a - Keep playing "Where's your foot?!" to distract my boys who are growing increasingly restless while I finish checking out. They've been so good and have been in the seats for right at an hour. I know they're ready to eat again and spend some time unconfined in the floor at home.

8:29a - Get back out to the car and get groceries loaded. Fortunately, it isn't bitter cold or raining, so I can leave the boys in the cart beside me while I load everything up. If the weather changes, that's not an option. Put the boys in the car last and lock it while I return the cart to the corral. It's not far, and I can see them the entire time, but still.. people are crazy, and I'd rather be safe than sorry.

8:45a - We had to contend with a little traffic on the way home, but fortunately, the boys are in good moods, so they don't mind that I'm running just a little late on their next bottle. I park and take them inside. I guess Lucas catches sight of the clock on our way in, because before I can even consider what my next move is - groceries inside or feed babies - he makes that choice clear. HE IS STARVING TO DEATH RIGHT NOW! Cameron has an Anchorman moment and doesn't know what we're yelling about, but for solidarity's sake, he joins the cause. I go warm bottles.

9:00a - I unbuckled and changed both babies' diapers while bottles were warming, and now I've got one propped up in the boppy beside me while I hold the other and feed them both. Everyone is happy again.

9:10a - Tandem feeding always seems like a good idea until I have to stop feeding Cameron so I can use both hands to burp Lucas. From the sounds of it, Cameron thinks I've decided to kill him. Patience is NOT his thing.

9:20a - Turns out, I didn't decide to kill Cameron, and he did get to finish his bottle after Lucas burped. And then he got his third outfit of the day after he spit up what seemed like half of it.

9:30a - Babies are clean, dry, full, and sleepy. I swaddle them up and put their sleep hats on (nothing special, just plain hospital nursery hats, but we only wore hats at sleep times in an effort to introduce schedule and predictability so they would associate hats with sleep. It worked very well). I give them both pacis, turn on the white noise, and slip out of the room. As difficult as having twins can be, I'm so grateful to say that we do have good sleepers.

9:31a - I collapse in the chair. I was up three times last night feeding babies, and I'm worn out. I just need a minute to rest.

9:32a - Good thing I only needed a minute (ha) because that's all I get. I remember that I have groceries in the car. And I need to pump. Desperately. I didn't get to finish pumping this morning, and I'm super uncomfortable.

9:40a - Groceries are inside and cold food is put away. Everything else can wait because my chest may explode. I have got to go pump RIGHT NOW.

10:15a - It takes longer than usual, but I'm feeling much better now! And as an added bonus, I got almost 20 ounces of milk. Score!! Now to get these pump parts cleaned up and get the milk put away. I have to check the fridge and figure out if this needs to be used today or if it can be frozen. I have a small freezer stash, but it's difficult to keep up with the demand of twin infants. I have to supplement some, but I do a pretty good job of meeting their needs on my own.

10:16a - Get to kitchen and remember that I still have to put away the rest of the groceries. And that banana isn't holding me over like I had hoped. And I'm super thirsty. And I need to start laundry. I better get a move on because these babies won't sleep too much longer.

11:03a - I manage to wash my pump pieces, freeze two bags of milk and fill two more bottles, get groceries put away, fix myself a drink, grab a granola bar, fold one load of laundry, start another, and sit down for almost 5 minutes before I hear the babies waking up. This was a super productive nap time!

11:05a - Both boys woke up in dreamy moods, so we lay down together and play in the floor for awhile. Cameron only spits up on us twice, and it's not even bad enough that either of us has to change clothes. It's a win in my book!

11:45a - Unsolicited knock on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone today, but company tends to show up unannounced pretty regularly since we had twins, so I'm not surprised that someone is here. I look and find my aunt and grandma. Not expected guests, but most certainly welcome! They love seeing us, and I love getting a few minutes of adult conversation and help with the babies.

12:10p - Babies announce that they are hungry. NOW. They are so very cute, but patience is not a skill they possess just yet. I warm up a couple bottles and take advantage of the extra grown ups around to feed them. Instead of having to pump after they eat, I excuse myself and pump while they're being fed in the living room. It doesn't seem like much, but it buys me 20-40 minutes of free(er) time, and that is valuable.

12:42p - Finish up pumping. Wash the parts. Milk in the fridge. Change two poopy baby diapers. Get Cameron his fourth shirt of the day. Pants are still good. I'll be so glad when we find a reflux medication combination that actually works for him. Return clean, snuggly babies to living room for Pam and Gran to play with them.

12:58p - Play time is over, and the boys are getting sleepy and a little whiny. I swaddle them up, get the sleep hats and pacis, and settle them down for the second nap time of the day.

1:25p - I fold laundry while I visit with Pam and Gran. I'd love to just sit and hang out, but I know my time is limited. They understand, and Pam even cleans my kitchen for me while I fold clothes. I'm fortunate that this isn't an isolated occurrence. We often have family come over and help with little things like this. It's only 10-15 minutes to them, but it means to world to us.

1:30p - Laundry is put away, and I realize that I haven't had much to eat today. A banana and granola bar doesn't exactly count as a filling breakfast and lunch. I refill my water and rifle through the fridge. I'm hungry enough to eat almost anything. I find some casserole leftovers to finish off, so I warm it up. Pam and Gran head home so I can rest while the babies nap.

1:43p - I'm finally fed and chores are mostly caught up. I decide to lay down for as long as I can before the boys wake up. If I'm lucky, I can get an hour or so of sleep.

2:04p - And if I'm not lucky, I wake up to another unsolicited knock on the door. I ignore it and hope to go back to sleep. But it gets louder. And is accompanied by yelling. In an effort to get to it before whoever is out there gets loud enough to wake the babies, I get up and go answer it. I open the door to see a couple distant relatives whom I have not seen in a long time and who are not known for their tact or common sense. I could cry. I am young, and my southern heritage and hospitality tells me that when someone arrives at your home, you are a gracious hostess. However, I'm desperate for some sleep. I whisper something about how it's nice to see them but the babies are sleeping in hopes that they will get the hint and come back another time. The hint is not received. I wind up inviting them in.

2:11p - Turns out, it only takes about 5 minutes of loud talking in the next room to wake a pair of sleeping babies.

2:13p - Guess who is grouchy because nap time was less than half what it should have been. Spoiler alert - it's not just me.

2:22p - Company tells me "We can see you've got your hands full, so we'll get out of your hair! It was so fun to see the boys!! We'll be back soon!" I muster up some pleasantry and wish them a good afternoon as they hand me their dirty glasses from the drinks I offered.

2:25p - I shut the door behind them as they leave. One boy is in a bouncy seat on the floor. The other is in my arms. They're both wailing. Now, I actually do cry.

2:33p - I can only wallow in self pity for so long, and then I get it together. The babies can wallow longer than me, and their crying continues. I'm trying everything, but I know it's not going to work because the problem is they are sleepy. And maybe hungry.

2:35p - I go ahead and feed them again. It's about 15 minutes early, but I figure it'll calm them down a little. It works.

2:56p - In theory, it should be nap time because they just ate, but our schedule usually has them napping around 4. Maybe we can swing this and get them down a little early.

3:21p - The normal nap routine wasn't effective. I make sure everyone is full and dry, and I put them in their car seats. I've only been a Mom for a minute, but even I know that car rides are equivalent to Ambien for babies.

3:30p - We're in the car, and we're off. I'm not sure where we're going exactly, but I'll figure something out.

3:32p - Both babies are asleep. We turn around at the next driveway and go back home.

3:45p - Jesus is holding my hand today (and every other day, really). That's my only explanation because I was able to get both boys back inside the house, unbuckled, swaddled, and put in bed without waking them. Maybe I can get an hour or so here, too.

5:14p - I wake up confused and disoriented in my bedroom? No, this is a couch. Living room? That seems right. What year is it? Good grief.. what is that noise?! OH!! It's one of the babies! I have babies. Two of them. I have two babies. I should not nap. I obviously need more sleep, but waking up is hard. I need to pump. I should've pumped two hours ago, but I didn't.

5:20p - I let the babies stay in their beds while I pump. They are so cute I absolutely cannot stand it. How can I love two tiny, bald, toothless humans so very much?? How is this even possible?! Even when they yell at me, still.. so cute!

5:53p - I finally have everyone fed and calm. Leftover milk is in the fridge and pump parts are washed and drying. Diapers are dry, and we're home alone for now. I hope one of my parents drops by to visit. My husband is working out of town and won't be home until tomorrow, and I'm feeling a little lonely tonight. In the meantime, we're going to play in the floor.

6:00p - Cameron smiles all the time, but I think he just laughed. He definitely made a sound that sounded happy. Not quite a squeal, but there was joy in it. I think. Did he just laugh??!

6:01p - Lucas continues his stoic stance. He sees the toys I'm offering, but he seems to be more inquisitive than anything else. I'm not necessarily funny, but he does find me interesting.

6:26p - Gigi is here!! She stops on her way home from work pretty frequently. She's always one of my favorite visitors. And to make this stop even sweeter, she brought dinner. Which is extra amazing, because I totally forgot that I'll need to eat again tonight. I certainly didn't have an actual meal planned. She is the best. But to be fair, this could easily be my mom or dad, and I would be just as excited. We have an amazing support system, and it's not uncommon for any one of them to drop what they're doing to help me or my husband at any given time. Or to show up unannounced and send me to nap while they handle the baby business and clean my house. We've been incredibly blessed by the Village that helps us raise our boys.

7:30p - Gigi stayed and helped me get through baby bedtime. We get clean dry diapers, fresh pjs, swaddle blankets, and sleep hats. I top them off with a small bottle, and then I give them pacis and lay them down. I hate that one boy always seems to have to wait for something, so it's nice to have an extra set of hands for this part.

7:35p - Babies are settled down for the night. The house is quiet, and I can relax a little. Gigi helps me finish up laundry and clean my kitchen. I get to talk to a grown up about something other than diapers and bottles. It's wonderful! I also get to tell her about the stressful parts of my day (I'm ranting about you, handsy stranger at the grocery store) and about all the fun things that happened (this part of the conversation takes a long time). Turns out I'm no different than any other proud parent.. I'll talk about my babies forever if you let me.

7:57p - Gigi heads home. I get around to answering the 27 texts I've got throughout the day and returning whatever phone calls I missed. I really only ever respond to my immediate family and couple friends throughout the day. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, but I only have a minute or two and have to prioritize.

8:04p - I finished returning texts and decide to return a couple calls while I pick up my living room and then get ready for bed. Sometimes I look at the clock and can't help but laugh at how much my life has changed. Not much more than a year ago, my husband and I were in St. Louis celebrating our first wedding anniversary. We hadn't even left our hotel for the night at 8 and would be out until well after midnight. Now, I wouldn't dream of going anywhere this "late." I would've never gone an entire day without talking to my best friends or gotten up before 9 on a Saturday. Now, I can't tell you the last time I saw a leading number bigger than 6 on any given day when I woke up (and I saw 12, 2, and 4, too), and I haven't talked to Miranda or Maegan in at least two days. They've both texted, and one has called, but I haven't had a chance to send back anything more than "we're good!" or "lol." It's unfounded, but I'm afraid I'm going to lose my friends because I've been so out of touch lately. I desperately want to talk to them, but I'm running almost nonstop every day. I get distracted so easy, and I'm so tired.. I just forget that they called or sent a text, and even though I wish so much I could sit down and chat for an hour or type out a text that is actually part of a meaningful conversation, I physically do not have the time to do it. There are too many things demanding my time, and I can't do what I WANT anymore. There are too many needs that have to come before my wants. It's hard.

9:10p - I finished cleaning the house, and I showered and dried my hair. Now, I get to sit down and pump while I talk to my husband. He's been in Oklahoma for a couple weeks, and we still have a couple weeks to go. It's hard, but he's starting a new job that will be really good for our family. We talk for almost an hour. It's not the same as having him beside me, but it's nice to hear his voice. No matter what kind of day I've had, he always makes me feel better. I miss him. And it's hard doing this parent thing every day by myself. Sometimes I'm rocking it, and sometimes I'm counting down the hours until he gets back home. I let the pump run the whole time in hopes that I won't have to pump again until at least 2am. In theory, I should pump every 2-3 hours because we're feeding the boys that often, but it's just not practical. I can't seem to fit it in that often. I do my best to pump at least every 4 hours, but sometimes it's longer. Sometimes it's shorter though, so it's ok.

10:26p - I'm off the phone, and I realize what time it is. The boys will be hungry soon, but if I catch them before they actually wake up, I can do a dream feed and get them to sleep until well after midnight. I hustle and get bottles ready and sneak into the nursery. Feed a baby; change a baby; put him back down. Feed a baby; change a baby; put him back down. Sneak back out. Mission accomplished.

10:53p - I've got milk poured into bags and in the freezer and bottles ready for the first middle-of-the-night feeding in the fridge. Pump parts are washed and reassembled waiting for their next use. The doors are locked, and the lights are off. The boys are snoozing away, and I finally climb into bed. I'd like to catch up on Grey's Anatomy, but it's just not going to happen. Maybe I'll watch an episode during the next feeding session, which, by the way, starts in 2-3 hours. I should be sleeping, but I reflect for a minute or two. Our day was busy, but they all are. Aside from moments of hunger or sleepiness, there was really very little crying today. Lucas didn't even have a colicky episode tonight, which is a HUGE answered prayer. We've been crying together every night this week. This was a welcome change of pace. Cameron almost laughed out loud. Lucas even smiled several times today (big deal for this stone faced baby). I got to visit with some of my favorite people today, and I managed to keep up with the housework. There was some stress and even tears (from all of us), but it was outweighed by the joy. We're blessed. I'm tired, like always it seems, but it was a really good day.