Baby Ambien

Why is the donut box always so hard to close? Regardless of how careful I am, the cardboard always gets caught on the edge and results in 2-3 attempts before it actually closes correctly. What gives? I mean, seriously, come on. I'm already ashamed; can't we just make this quick and dirty? Do you really have to drag it out and further amplify my guilt for caving to the sweet, sweet temptress that is this delicious pastry? I blame the boys for this. I never had donut-box-lid issues before them. I never even like donuts before the belly critters made me a slave to their every craving. Now I'm hooked. Thanks kids.

On to more important things... C screamed at me for over an hour yesterday. Why you may ask; I still don't know. I finally gave up and we got in the car and went to town (because that's what you do when you've exhausted every plausible option that won't result in a visit from DCFS - go to a public place so strangers can judge you for the fact that you can't calm your own child). We'd been in the car for 1.5 seconds when the screaming stopped. Thank you sweet Lord. Why didn't I do this an hour ago? Sometimes in the blur of the moment, I forget that the carseats are like little baby Ambien. I'm not sure why I EVER forget this. It's one of the most important lessons I've learned so far.

Notice to all expectant parents: Carseats rock. Inconsolable baby? Strap it in and pick the seat up. Most of the time you don't even have to go anywhere. Just trick the screaming banshee into thinking that you're going somewhere, and suddenly they are on their best behavior. Kids learn early on to make their parents look like liars at every given opportunity.

Parent: "I hope he wasn't too bad for you. He cried all morning long at home!"
Babysitter: "Really? He's been wonderful since you dropped him off."

Little assholes. I swear they thrive on a chance to make me sound like I'm just a big whiner. I'm not kidding here folks. You'll learn. And for those of you who already have kids, well, you already get it and didn't think I was joking to begin with.

                                                     I told you. Baby Ambien.