Baby Ambien

Why is the donut box always so hard to close? Regardless of how careful I am, the cardboard always gets caught on the edge and results in 2-3 attempts before it actually closes correctly. What gives? I mean, seriously, come on. I'm already ashamed; can't we just make this quick and dirty? Do you really have to drag it out and further amplify my guilt for caving to the sweet, sweet temptress that is this delicious pastry? I blame the boys for this. I never had donut-box-lid issues before them. I never even like donuts before the belly critters made me a slave to their every craving. Now I'm hooked. Thanks kids.

On to more important things... C screamed at me for over an hour yesterday. Why you may ask; I still don't know. I finally gave up and we got in the car and went to town (because that's what you do when you've exhausted every plausible option that won't result in a visit from DCFS - go to a public place so strangers can judge you for the fact that you can't calm your own child). We'd been in the car for 1.5 seconds when the screaming stopped. Thank you sweet Lord. Why didn't I do this an hour ago? Sometimes in the blur of the moment, I forget that the carseats are like little baby Ambien. I'm not sure why I EVER forget this. It's one of the most important lessons I've learned so far.

Notice to all expectant parents: Carseats rock. Inconsolable baby? Strap it in and pick the seat up. Most of the time you don't even have to go anywhere. Just trick the screaming banshee into thinking that you're going somewhere, and suddenly they are on their best behavior. Kids learn early on to make their parents look like liars at every given opportunity.

Parent: "I hope he wasn't too bad for you. He cried all morning long at home!"
Babysitter: "Really? He's been wonderful since you dropped him off."

Little assholes. I swear they thrive on a chance to make me sound like I'm just a big whiner. I'm not kidding here folks. You'll learn. And for those of you who already have kids, well, you already get it and didn't think I was joking to begin with.

                                                     I told you. Baby Ambien.

Still C.

Last night I announced my dive into the blog world to C, which typically would have been something that he wouldn't particularly care about (outside of the "you're-my-wife-so-I-have-to-care" sense). I asked if he wanted to read it, to which he replied "Do you want me to read it?" Now, this could have been the point where I yelled "I want you to WANT to read it!" (Jennifer Aniston in The Break Up - "I want you to WANT to do dishes!" style). Alas, I kept my cool and said "No, it's not a big deal." Then I casually mentioned that I told the world nice things about him. Consider his interest peaked.

As a general rule, I hate for people to read things that I have written. Why, you may ask, have I chosen to write a blog that is available for anyone fortunate enough to have an internet connection to find and peruse and judge at will? Ha.. Wish I had an answer for you. Maybe I miss my college writing classes (Hi Dr. Ball!) or maybe I enjoy pretending that anyone really cares what I have to say. It's basically impossible to know for sure. I'm just hoping the comments aren't too harsh and hateful. And if they are, well, I have the power to delete them. Touche.

Back to last night... Once C knew he was mentioned in the ever-living internet world, he suddenly wanted to read the blog I spoke of. (Side note - I struggle to say the word "blog" and keep a straight face. It just sounds ridiculous in my head, much less when actually spoken aloud. Blog. I just can't get past it.) I gave him my phone and proceeded to bury my face under my pillow and wait for his likely-ornery response. It went a little something like this:


C: Why am I "C?"

Me: Well, I didn't know if you'd be ok with me broadcasting your name across the internet. I'm respecting your privacy.

C: Don't!!

Me: What? Are you crazy?

C: Don't! Tell them my whole name! Even use my middle initial.. I want everyone to know how nice I am.

Me: What? Seriously?!

C: TELL THEM MY NAME!


Not exactly the reaction I was expecting, but nonetheless, my first feedback was positive (read "positive" as "not negative, so let's call it a win"). And I've decided he will remain C. Partly because I do want to maintain some degree of privacy. Mostly because I can. I told you he's nicer than me.

Bloginity Lost

I knew you were all dying to learn exactly how we manage to make it from sun-up to sun-down - most days even include a shower - while defending ourselves against the relentless demands of our two tiny children,and thus the Blog was born. Calm down, calm down. While I will be revealing some trade secrets, I can't tell you everything or you would cease to be so impressed by the fact that most days I don't look like I've fallen off the too-exhausted-to-speak wagon *insert sarcasm here*.

Most of you know me or know someone who knows me, but let's assume for a second that you don't; for starters, why are you here and how did you find this blog? Are you creepy, stalker types? Or are you bored and innocently stumbled over it? Regardless, glad to have you :) Little background for ya... My husband and I have been married for a little over two years. We met in high school and dated for five years before we got married. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in May 2009 and tied the proverbial knot in August the same year. C really is my best friend in the world and I count myself unbelievably lucky and blessed to be his wife. He is much nicer and more patient and understanding than I am, and unfortunately, that makes me the undesirable in the relationship. So here we are...

Wonderful & Undesirable

                                                 

We'd been submerged in happily-married-bliss for a little over a year and had just decided to wait another year or so to procreate when we found out we were going to have a baby *insert stunned faces here*. Fast forward three weeks to the day we found out two little belly critters were on the way instead of just one *insert permanently stunned faces here*. L&C made their grand entrance on Thursday July 14, 2011, and well, cliche or not, life hasn't been the same since!

There really are two of them. Look out world. 

                               
It's quite the roller coaster, and they're already plotting against us (I can see it in their eyes - trust me). I'm sure this journey is only going to get more interesting and entertaining, so stay tuned ;)


You don't even have to say it. I already know. And you're welcome.